Secrets, Can you Keep them?

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What is the purpose of secrets in a relationship? Should they be kept, or rather laid obviously clear to a partner? Does one have an obligation to reveal themselves completely when in a close bond such as a friendship or otherwise?

The realm by which secrets and hidden truths reside is one of more loosely defined areas when forming a bond, and sometimes is considered a rigid boundary by individuals. The point of secrets is that they are hidden for good reason or another, however what is the point by which they must be revealed?

When one keeps a secret, they are purposefully withholding information from another, protecting it through omission or even deception. A secret has reasonings as to why it is kept, mostly kept to avoid confrontation or outbursts. Emotional confrontation is frightening, heavy, and can lead to much conflict, so most instinctually keep secrets in order to avoid problems such as these. It is a natural instinct, same as with running away from danger. But of course, it is necessary to ponder: is the secret a necessity to keep, and will confrontation help more than avoiding it?

There is a toll to be found when keeping hidden knowledge. It causes undue stress upon the bearer, as it requires an enormous amount of energy in order to deceive, subvert, or avoid the topic consciously. It is easy once forgotten, however the subconscious mind has a means of remembering that exceeds our conscious. Internalizing secrets, without an appropriate release, will internalize stress, bottling it up until an expulsion of emotion and conflict that can leave them broken. Secrets, when kept for too long, can prove to be much more destructive to yourself than if you had never kept them a secret upon the first knowing.

When building a relationship with someone, of any kind, it is vital to assert your boundaries, including that of secrets. Certain people may have an understanding of secrets, or perhaps an avoidance of them. When a boundary is unknowingly crossed, it can be a grave offence, or cause for separation dependant upon the nature of the secret. That is why communication is a necessity for a relationship to work, with or without the presence of hidden information, as otherwise no clear lines are defined and hurt feelings become commonplace without intent or harm or otherwise.

However, it is sometimes alright in order to withhold secrets. In a relationship, not everyone may want crystal clear information at all times, and in fact may prefer to avoid certain information for their own peace of mind, or rather a true relaxed attitude for it. In these circumstances, trust is a key factor. Learn to trust, and build upon it, and then there will be no need for concern Once again, as it seems that communication is the key to a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Reflect on the nature of hidden information, of secrets, and your preferences surrounding them. It is important that you understand what would make you feel more secure and safe in a relationship, so you are able to understand your footing and stance when negotiating and mapping with your partner. It is up to you whether keeping a secret is forgivable, or even an offence. But remember, in a relationship, it is not just you. You are in a partnership, so compromises must be made for the sake of developing the bond. Be clear, be understanding. Don’t keep secrets when talking about secrets.

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