I want my man to sweep me off my feet like Christian Grey. What do I do?

What woman in a relationship does not want to be swept off of her feet? Actually, that may be the most recurring fantasy that any married woman has. She closes her eyes and imagines her husband doing the unthinkable; whisking her away to an exotic, romantic location or even just a delightful little bed and breakfast for a weekend or a week. He has made all of the arrangements right down to packing her luggage for her. All she has to do is enjoy the trip!

In the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian Grey does exactly that with Anastasia Steele. He is rich, powerful and physically perfect. So what does it matter that the only sexual encounters he has are those of a rather dark and dominating nature? Besides, don’t a lot of women want to be dominated sexually? According to the popularity of the book and the anticipation of the movie, more than just a handful of the straight female population want to be dominated by a rich, powerful and pretty man. In fact, quite a few women are trying to figure out how to get their husbands on board with this type of behavior.

Communication

If you are serious about getting your husband to do a bit of sweeping you off of your feet, the first thing that you must do is sit him down for an open and honest chat. A glass of wine or a beer might help to ease you into the main purpose of your conversation. Get him relaxed and open to hearing what you have to say. Then, just explain to him what you want. You may want to present it to him as a fantasy of yours. You can even whip out our Kinky Contract and go through the document together. It always helps as an ice breaker.

Most men are more than happy to comply when it comes to fulfilling the fantasies of their women, as long as it does not involve them wearing women’s lingerie or something (although, some men are into this also, and that’s perfectly ok! It’s only a bit of fun right?).  He may surprise you and jump right on board with the whole thing.

Give Him the Book

The easiest way to explain what you want of your husband is to present him with a copy of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Copies of this book are available in all formats including ebooks (audiobook is perfect if he’s not into reading). In that way, he can read it without anyone else knowing that he is doing so, if that is something that bothers him. Everything is pretty detailed in the book so it should be rather simple for him to understand. If you are not married to a reader, then you have a couple of choices. One of them is to read it to him yourself. Make it a bedtime story for a few nights. The other choice is to insist that he attend the movie with you. There are enough hot scenes for him to watch that he probably won’t mind going once he is there. He can pick up some cues just from watching the interaction between Christian and Anastasia.

Give Him the Help He Needs

Once he has read the book or seen the movie, sit down together and talk about it. There are some rather dangerous elements to the BDSM scene, and there are some rules that need to be followed. One of the most important ones is that you have an agreed upon “safe word.” This means that when you have had enough of something, or it is truly hurting you in some, you say this word and he stops immediately with no questions asked. There can be such a thing as too much of something. Some couples use “Red Light,” “Yellow Light,” or “Green Light.” These translate to Stop, Slow down a little, and Oh my god, keep going because that feels so good! These words should all be pretty easy to understand, even in the heat of the moment.

Help your husband figure out ahead of time the parts of the book that really turned you on and what you would be most excited for him to try out on you. Find out if there are any parts that he really liked or were not comfortable with doing. Sex is supposed to be fun, after all, and should never be unpleasant for either partner.

Praise, Praise and More Praise

Once you and your husband have managed to figure out a day for this new fun experiment and have actually turned fantasy into reality, don’t forget to tell your husband how awesome he was. Praise will go a long way to encourage him and make him want to do it again. Criticism is usually one of the worse things that you can offer a man when it comes to his sexual performance. Most of the time, they are quite sensitive to this topic and do not take it well when they are told they are lacking in some way.

Begin by telling him how amazing he was. When you have his confidence built up, find a way to gently suggest a different way to do anything that you found unpleasing. This does not mean that you have to tell him he sucked. It only means that you might say something like “You know, I really liked that thing you did with the ropes, but next time, do you think we might try it another way?” Bring him into finding the solution to anything that was problematic. If he feels a part of it, he will not take it as criticism.

Open His Mind

Obviously, if you get him to be Christian Grey once, you can get him to do it again. Discuss with him whether you would both like to continue playing out your fantasies. Use our Kinky Contract to get the erotic conversation rolling.

Play the part of Anastasia so perfectly that he truly feels like he is the one in control. That is a pretty heady sensation for most men unless they happen to be true submissives. In that case, you probably should just keep that fantasy on hand for you and your shower massage. On the other hand, for those men that are open to trying new things; Fifty Shades of Grey is the ideal way to open his mind even further for more adventures in the future.

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